This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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