lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
