Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
