She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
