Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
