I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
