I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
