I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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