I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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