Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
