Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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