I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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