apparently the secret to your success is patron
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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