I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
