Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
