the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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