I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
