Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
