Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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