it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
