i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
