why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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