my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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