remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
