i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
