After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
