what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
