I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
accomplished twins. life is a go
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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