I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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