You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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