ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
