I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
