maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
