when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
