I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
We smell like vodka and hangover
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