the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
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She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
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are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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