Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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