her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I touched a dick in church today
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
