you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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