I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
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Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
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Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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