Where did you get a picture of my penis
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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