I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize