you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
