All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Pants are for mortals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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