i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
