i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You're like the curious george of whores
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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