Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
