We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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