I wannas sexs uuuuu
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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