I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
