Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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