go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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