she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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