forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
