This girl is more easily done than said...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
