can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
