The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
