"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
