I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
