So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
