You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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