PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
