Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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