so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
