Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
