why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
