we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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