Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
