I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
