Your tits are I can't wait for
I puked a lego.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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