haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
