i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
