I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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