Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize