that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
