I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
